Oh, Good. MTV is Getting into the Buzzfeed Market.

Lists! Lists all the time!

xallthey

Here’s what I have to say in response to this paint-by-numbers men-are-icky listicle:

1. They know how to wire 17 devices through one surge protector…

Is that difficult? Put the plug in the socket. This is beyond female ken? Really?

2. But have no idea how to put down the toilet seat.

*sigh*  Yes we do. We have the idea to put it down every time we have to go no. 2. The only idea we don’t have is this odd expectation that the toilet seat is always going to be in the optimum position for us when we approach it. If we have to sit on it, and the seat is up, we put it down! I know! Like, without complaining or anything!

areyouawizard

3. They can proficiently operate an elaborate system of multiple remotes and cable boxes…

If you say so, sister. I get frustrated with mine a good deal. Inanimate objects vex me. My wife is much better with them.

4. But feel overwhelmed by using more than one shower product for all of their bathing needs.

Not overwhelmed. We just don’t see the point. You come out of the shower, you’re clean. We come out of the shower, we’re clean. Except you do it with fifteen different products and we do it with one. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

5. They can easily be slipped vegan food if you focus on the fact that it is a “home cooked meal.”

Deception. The basis of any healthy relationship.

You do realize that you’ve given him a license to sneak bacon into your food, right?

6. They like football.

Because women don’t.

7. Like, a lot.

Because they like it so much that it takes up two places!

unfuny

8. But are totally not into reading laundry labels.

Okay, so far there’s been at least a tenuous juxtaposition between complicated things we do/simple things we don’t. But here the heuristic falls apart. How does “liking” football contrast with “totally not being into” laundry labels. Do women actually like reading laundry labels? Or do they just own clothes in so many different fabrics that it’s simply good sense to pay attention to them? Whereas guy clothes usually come in three fabrics:

  • Cotton, which washes well, and can only be dried wrong once
  • Polyester/blends, which wash and dry fine
  • Wool, which gets dry-cleaned

Our laundry lives just aren’t that complicated.

9. They collect tools in the same way that we collect nail polish…

bored - Copy

10. And the poor things think doing chores is as fun as having your nails did.

It’s the difference between doing something and chatting while something is done for you. Different strokes for different folks.

Also, I feel like most guys don’t consider mucking around with tools “chores” in the same sense that vacuuming and dishes are “chores”.

11. Finally, the three farts a day when you each had your own place? That was him holding back.

Women are dainty flowers who never expel methane from their rectum, said no husband ever.

You’re terrible at this, MTV. Go back to doing…whatever you do these days. Exploiting dumb people for giggles, last time I checked.

Examining The Emperor’s New Groove: Because Sometimes Buzzfeed is Right…

Yes, it’s the usual feast of gifs and OMGLOL, but they have stumbled upon a point.

The Emperor’s New Groove is so unlike any other Disney animated film, that I often have to remind myself that it’s Disney.

In the first place, it’s not a musical. Not really. There’s a quick song at the beginning, reprised at the end, but otherwise it’s remarkably capable of establishing characterization without bursting into song. This is just before PIXAR took charge of all non-musical Disney films, so it’s noteworthy that they even tried this.

In the second place, it’s spirit is snarky, silly, and self-aware, in a way that Disney movies almost never are. Sure, you have the occasional Flynn Rider, but most of the time they end up Facing Their Feelings in the third act. The very basic moral lesson of TENG – being a self-absorbed jagoff leads to misery – does not require any real shift in tone.

That tone bears far more resemblance to classic 30’s screwball comedies (in fact, the film is classified as such on Wikipedia) than to anything else Disney has ever done. Basically, this is the closed Disney ever got to making a Looney Tunes cartoon.

sillyisnthe

 

Wikipedia also says the the director, Mark Dindal, was a Disney journeyman who “drastically” altered the script to a comedy after an initial effort to make a traditional Disney animated film called Kingdom of the Sun, “didn’t work out.” He also directed Chicken Little, and so no longer works at Disney.

So that might explain that.

#GamerGate — Achievement Unlocked: Epic Shitstorm!

Andrew:

Good summary of the madness that is #GamerGate, without having to read Encyclopedia Dramatica…

Originally posted on Daddy Warpig's House of Geekery:

So, I’ve been hanging out on Twitter, and it’s been a lot of fun. It’s the one place I can trot out accurate information and truth in a polite but merciless fashion, and eviscerate some blithering asshole holding forth on a subject he knows jack crap about. Plus, you can carpet-bomb a series of brutal, but funny one-liners into a continuing discussion between 10,000 people, and earn a few small kudos for it.

Fun. :D

John — my good friend and ∞ Infinity playtester — pointed out that I hadn’t mentioned anything about #GamerGate yet, despite my involvement with it on Twitter. (Carpet bombing, etc.) He’s right, I haven’t.

The problem is, #GamerGate is not a simple subject. Seriously. It’s like six different Internet shitstorms got together, got drunk, had an orgy, and birthed a monstrosity that was an unholy amalgam of all six. My current level of shit-giving is not sufficient to motivate…

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As of Now, My One-Acts are Free to Perform…

I mentioned earlier that I’m publishing my old one-acts on Amazon. I don’t know what anyone is going to do with them there, as the purchase of a copy of a script is distinct from purchasing performance rights for a production. But I decide who gets the rights to my plays, and I’m gonna go ahead and let anyone who buys scripts have performance rights. Go ahead. Go nuts. Up until this month, they were sitting on my computer as nostalgia for my misbegotten youth. Now three of them at least, are out there. Have fun (click the images for the Amazon link)

  1. Send in the Clowns. Morning-after farce. Hungover college kids wake up. Hilarity ensues. This was my first one, and my old college pals still remember it fondly. Considering I was 18 when I wrote it, it holds up pretty well. There are still parts I find funny, anyway.

    sendintheclowns

  2. In the Beginning. God and the Devil meet up in Heaven after the Devil’s Fall, snark at each other, and check in on Adam and Eve. Began as a philosophical dialogue. I was a sophomore at the time, but some of the ideas in here are still solid.

    inthebeginning

  3. Clinical Insanity. Later piece, centered on a what-if scenario: “What if a lunatic could turn his lunacy on and off, for the lulz, as it were?” I had great fun writing this one, and it shows. It’s been produced at least one festival, so other people have liked it, too.

    clinical insanity

I’ve got about three more of these to do. Will post when I get updates.

Friday Linkfest: They May Take Our Votes, But They’ll Never Take OUR FREEDOM

This is one of those Fridays that doesn’t feel like Friday. It feels like “Where did that week go?” Still, I’ll take it.

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Why Germans pay cash for almost everything

Originally posted on Quartz:

As banks, technology giants and would-be disruptors such as Square scrummage over the payment system of the future, German consumers seem perfectly happy with the payment system of the past. Germany remains one of the most cash-intensive advanced economies on earth.

On average, wallets in Germany hold nearly twice as much cash—about $123 worth—as those in Australia, the US, France and Holland, according to a recent Federal Reserve report on how consumers paid for things in seven countries. Roughly 80% of all transactions in Germany are conducted in cash. (In the US, it’s less than 50%.) And cash is the dominant form of payment there even for large transactions.

Share-of-payment-volume-made-in-cash_chartbuilder

No one knows precisely why Germans have such a strong preference for cash, though survey data offer some hints. German respondents suggested that using cash makes it easier to keep track of their money and spending [pdf].

“A glance into one’s pocket provides a signal about the…

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Richard III was Attacked All At Once, Died Swiftly

No horse was going to save him.

Read the whole thing, as it’s very interesting, and jibes with what accounts of Bosworth I have read.

Of course, it bears pointing out that Richard fought like a mad boar at Bosworth, killing Henry Tudor’s standard bearer and very nearly getting to Henry himself before he was surrounded. Also, no contemporary source records the “My kingdom for a horse” line. Some traditions declare his last words to be “Treason!” but it’s entirely possible that he was given no chance to say anything at all.