Anyone Who’s Offended by Anyone on Red Eye is Too Stupid to Watch Star Wars

Knock it off, nerds.

More than a month ago, I made some jokes about Star Wars on Red Eye, a satirical political comedy show that airs at 3 a.m., and it has resulted in me being verbally abused and told to die by a mob of enraged fans for the past four days now.  The capital-offense comments were: “I have never had any interest in watching space nerds poke each other with their little space nerd sticks, and I’m not going to start now.

I don’t need to prove my Star Wars fan status, just hit the tag attached to this post. And if I did need to prove my status, then I wouldn’t because that’s deeply lame. But as a fan, the line about space nerd sticks is funny. It just is.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

So maybe instead of posting a ten-minute video about how ANGRY you are  that someone on Red Eye made a joke about your fandom, maybe just laugh it off and go back to making excited speculations about why Luke isn’t in the trailer.

Is this what being a Star Wars fan means? That we have to pretend that Star Wars is the most important thing that ever happened? That we have to send people death threats? Death Threats? Really? (Yeah, I know Beardy the Wonderfan offers the obligatory denunciation of death threats. But we shouldn’t have to denounce death threats made by Star Wars fans)

What do you do when you encounter someone who was born in say, the 1990’s, and never saw the Original Trilogy? Do you strap them down, peel back their eyeballs and give them a Ludovico viewing? BECAUSE STAR WARS IS A POP CULTURE INSTITUTION AND ALL MUST KNOW IT AND ALL MUST LIKE IT AND I FIND YOUR LACK OF FAITH DISTURBING.

The whole point of Red Eye is to engage in forbidden, non-PC humor (that’s why it’s on Fox). Nothing they say on that show should ever be taken at all seriously. If you can’t understand that, you’re too dumb to watch Star Wars, because you probably think that if you concentrate hard enough you can use the Force to make the Thrawn Trilogy better than mediocre (yeah, I said it. Come at me, nerds).

This is the kind of pedantic dweebery I expect from Trekkies. We’re supposed to be cooler than that. Come on.

So, Germans Are Making Nazi Sounds Again…

So sayeth the Telegraph (h/t Vox Day).

One recording purports to show a uniformed security guard speaking of getting “swastikas in my eyes”.

“In two years, there will be a revolution here and there will be no more of all this s***. We’ll clean it all out,” the guard, who has not been named, appears to say.

“We have plenty of summer camps, and I swear to you they can be used again. On the gate: work makes you free,” he says.

That’s one side of the extreme, of course. It’s not like the artists and cultural leaders have reined in their proper horror about Ol’ Shouty Pants?


And it’s a movie, too:

Do you know what it sounds like when taboos get broken? Because this is what it sound like when taboos get broken.


The Train is Fine. The Point is Missed.

This starts as a joke on the Onion News Network, back in 2011 when that was a thing:

It’s funny, but it’s not brilliantly funny. The joke is that the autistic guy does not get that the story is about the dead guy and not about the train. That’s sorta funny. Mean, but funny. It’s probably funnier because its a forbidden kind of humor.

So a guy named Sam Hawken posted it to his blog, back then. Big deal, the internet moves on. And then someone in 2015 revives it and people start using it on Twitter, mostly as a rhetorical device to suggest that someone is narrowly obsessing about inconsequential matters. This, Sam decides, is utterly unacceptable, and he goes to great lengths to argue that the video itself was a fine way to laugh with autism, but referencing it is a cruel way to laugh at autism. Which is nonsense on stilts, but whatever.

What I find myself thinking on is how this makes a nice analogy for how the Left have been dealing with Paris. Sure, ISIS made a big mess, but they’d rather suck all the oxygen out of the room talking about how not all Muslims are Terrorists and how it’s insane and un-American to question whether ISIS might be bright enough to slip a few troublemakers in with the next round of Syrian refugees.

Which statements, I don’t even care if they’re true. I know enough Muslims to know they’re not all terrorists. Saying that is meaningless. I don’t think every Syrian refugee is an ISIS sleeper. They don’t have to be, and in any case, arguing about how many refugees we take in is NOT GOING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

Can we talk about getting rid of ISIS? Of handing them a military defeat? Of preventing them from gunning down innocents in a theater?

Or would we rather talk about matters tangential to this?

I mean, sure, a bunch of people in Paris (and Syria, and Iraq, etc., thanks, Internet Guilt Brigade) are dead, but is the train fine?

The train is fine.

Italian Robbers Kindly Reassure They’re Victims “We Are Not Isis”

According to La Stampa, as reported in Yahoo News.

On a lighter note, the La Stampa daily reported that a gang of masked robbers had stormed into a bank shouting: “Relax, we are not Isis. It is only a hold-up.”

This fascinates. Why would the robbers do this? Fear of bodily harm is, one surmises, among the most useful elements of a successful robbery. Yet, fear of being suddenly and pitilessly butchered for no purpose must provoke a different reaction than fear of being relieved of one’s wallet. So this must be a necessary warning to prevent people from just running from the exits, devil-take-the-hindmost.

Or, the robbers in question were of Arabic extraction, and did not care to be stereotyped.

Or, one of them thought it was cheekily funny.

My Birthday Music

I completed another year above ground on Saturday. While the good wishes were flowing in on Facebook, I decided to give back by posting some YouTube videos of tunes that resonated with me on that particular day. Herewith, those same videos, in a concise playlist, for your Monday listening enjoyement.

  1. Muddy Waters “Mannish Boy” Obvious, sure. But birthdays are obvious.
  2. David Bowie “Speed of Life” Good instrumental from his post-glam artiste period. The title is suggestive as one ages.
  3. Iggy Pop “The Passenger” I have a hard time getting tired of this one. Both existential and powerful.
  4. Reverend Horton Heat “The Devil’s Chasin’ Me” It’s never a wrong time for pyschobilly, and even tongue-in-cheek religion is better than none at all, in my opinion.
  5. The Sword “Tres Brujas” Life is a journey, and sometime you need the wise old crone to show you the way.
  6. The Ramones “Beat on the Brat” As a parent, you shouldn’t actually do this, but as a parent, you often want to.
  7. Dee-Lite “Groove is in the Heart” Because nostalgia for a video drenched in nostalgia (there was nothing nostalgic about the actual music, which was a club favorite back in the day) is a good reminder about how you can’t hold on to the past.
  8. DJ Kool “Let Me Clear My Throat” Nothing deep here. This is just fun.
  9. Plastic Bertrand “Ca Plane Pour Moi” No matter how many Scorcese movies and Johnny Walker ads use this, I don’t tire of it. My demi-francais has the title meaning “This Life For Me.” I could be wrong, but it’s a good sentiment.
  10. The Rolling Stones “Time is On My Side” I ain’t dead yet, you bushwacker.



Comparing Apple Music and Spotify, angrily.

The definition of first world problems, sure, but if you want to pay money to curate your own music streaming experience, it’s good info.

I like the snark at the top.

For me, the only legitimate choices seem to be Spotify and Apple Music. I’ve chosen not to test other streaming services like Google Play Music (Sound Ears Noise Yes), Amazon Prime Music, and Pandora (I want to escape the radio not have a worse version of it) for various reasons. I’m sure there are many great reasons to like any of those other services (there aren’t), but I don’t want to hear about them (write your own post about them if you love them).

Pandora can be utterly tedious, but it has the advantage of being free. I’m not paying $14.99 a month to break my data overages. Call me old-fashioned, but I have mouths to feed.

Read the whole thing, if you want to know why Spotify is moderately better than Apple Music.